So today I woke up at 715am because I needed to leave the house by 740am for my 9am class. My university was an hour drive from my place. If it jams, it could take an extra 30minute and anyone who works or studies around Kuala Lumpur would know, that if you leave your house at 8am, prepare yourself for the jam that occurs every weekday at 8am. A destination that actually takes you 20minute to reach ,doubles, or triples. Anyhow, back to the topic, I woke up at 715am and I just came back home from university. It's 945pm.
and I just brushed my mum off. She knocked my door to come into my room. Settled onto my bed while I was typing this, because I wanted to share my ongoing thoughts. Now I feel so bad, because i just brushed my mum who just wanted to catch up or spend time with me. My mum left the room and it was then i realized what I've just done. Tears formed and fell. Sent her a SMS saying " sorry mummy" and I'll be making up for it soon later.
Anyway. It was 945pm. Gave my dog(munchkin) some supper treats as I realized I only got to see him twice today. Once when I left to university and the other when I came back home. I then went up my room, checked any updates on Facebook and it was then I saw a post which a friend of mine, Tiara had just posted on facebook. It was dedicated to her mum. This is the post :
One day not too long ago, I came home crying. I had just spent the day trying to understand why the people around me gave me such a hard time for being dark skinned. As hard as I tried to resist, I broke down. My mum took me aside and in comforting me said something I will never forget; No one can bring you down without your consent. You need to take personal responsibility for what happens in your life insofar as you are capable. You may not be able to directly control what people choose to say or think or feel, but that you have within you a power more formidable and far greater than the weight of outside opinion; You have the ability to choose how you respond. To pick yourself up again and again from the lowest part of the dirt because that is the best way to illustrate the invincibility of the human spirit. A lot of the times, we forget that inaction is as much of a choice as action is. And this choice of inaction, in its own way, translates into consent. And though you may not be able to change every little thing that happens to you, remembering that you are not consenting to it, that you are not going to accept it, makes you more conscious and alert of the different things you can do to change the total outcome of the hand you've been dealt. You let go of the passivity that allows people or things to blindly dictate what you do and how you think. I'm still trying to learn about all the things that gives meaning to life. But this lesson is one hell of a start. So thank you, mum. For giving me life and showing me the different, great ways to live it. You are the light that will always lead me home. Happy Birthday.
It has honestly been tough along the way but I've learned to ignore what other people think of me. I'm making my own progress and I can really say that I am proud of the efforts I've put in to improve myself. But I have to thank my boyfriend as well, for really being there for me, and it kept me sane. I do not wish to explain myself here to anyone here . If I was an outsider, I'd be curious as well and I'd want to know what happened that made her gain 15kg, had her decide to return to Malaysia for her university studies and her change of course of studies after spending a year studying law. I won't be explaining because I do not think it's necessary. People fall and I know I just have to get back up again. I've learnt so much though.
In 1 hour 20 minute time, I'll be wishing him Happy 4 Months. If you're reading this, I love you. I can only say that there is nothing not beautiful about this love. Everything I love about you, it's 100% your inner beauty.
Just tweeted to my previous law lecturer and I miss her. I know I've let you down before and I swear, I didn't dare to face you.
I'll be stopping here.
One more thing though, I 've missed you guys so much, My Fantastic 6. I know you guys are doing well back in UK and I only hope for the best for all of you.
Steph.
